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Dear Dr. Dot-Connector,
In my place of work we have 2 girls who are so two-faced and seriously bully people. They have been there the longest so they think they have more rights than the other staff. They are making my life a misery. I am able to cope sometimes as I see straight through these people and realize how silly and pathetic they actually are.
The problem I’m having is dealing with it at times. My friend says I should just keep smiling, which I try to do BUT am finding it very difficult. One of my colleauges bravely spoke to the boss about this and apparently we thought he resolved it. That colleauge has since left, along with another friend, partly due to their behavior. The bullies are so happy about this and take full opportunity to start on me. I’m left to cope with them alone.
My boss is a nice guy (apparently) and quite friendly with the bullies, so I’m in a difficult situation.
-Bullied
Dear Bullied,
My question for you is this: How badly do you want to keep your job? This may seem like a harsh question, but I’m asking you because it matters.
It may not be worth the damage to your self-esteem, the elevated stress levels, and the impact on your health and well-being, to stay where you are. Many people seem to stay where they are because they view leaving their job as failure, or a submission to the pressure of bullying. The truth is, leaving the situation can be a very empowering experience, as long as you go about it in an empowering way. That means communicating with your superiors. Let them know that they’re losing you because they’ve allowed the atmosphere to become toxic and harmful, and that it’s unacceptable to you to work in that kind of environment. Let the CEO or owner know. Take a stand for yourself. You deserve to be respected, and they need to know that there’s a cost associated with allowing bullying to persist.
On the other hand, if you’re committed to keeping your current job, and there’s still some fight left in you, there are some steps you can take that may improve your situation. It’s not always practical to take all of these steps, so you be the judge.
- Document every instance of bullying that you experience. Write down the details. Who, what, when, where and how.
- Notify your superiors in writing. Write a letter documenting your experiences and requesting help. This makes it impossible for anyone to deny they knew there was a problem.
- Keep any correspondence you get from the bullies, as well as your superiors. If it ever becomes a legal issue, you’ll have documentation to support your case.
- Tell the person(s) bullying you to stop. Tell them what specific behavior you want them to stop. Have someone you trust witness the conversation. This way, they can’t deny they knew they were affecting you.
- Bullies thrive on getting you to react. Practice not reacting. Calm, cool, and assertive. Always look bullies directly in the eye. Looking down or away can be perceived as weakness.
Lastly, there are a number of helpful websites that offer advice on workplace bullying. Do a google search and see what’s out there. One site I found particularly helpful was the Workplace Bullying Institute. Oh yeah…and by all means, do keep smiling!
All the Best,
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