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My colleague Tim Brownson over at A Daring Adventure recently got me onto the subject of asking ourselves the right questions.
Tim suggests (here) that the ability to question yourself on an ongoing basis is a fundamental key to personal development, so long as the questions are tough, thought provoking, and empowering.
In leadership, the kind of questions that really make a difference are the questions that allow us to deepen our sense of self-awareness and gain insight into why we see things the way we do, why we think the way we do, and why we act the way we do.
“What’s behind this habit of mine, or this habitual line of thinking?�
“What’s underneath this strong feeling I have?�
“What’s informing my point of view that has me respond in this particular way?�
As leaders, we have to try to understand our own internal machinery… the inner workings of our hearts and minds, so that we can recognize the patterns of thought and behavior that we rely on and depend on, as well as those patterns that fail to serve us, and that fail to serve others.
Why? Because leading people requires understanding how they think and feel, and our ability to understand how others think and feel is a function of how well we understand ourselves.
I fear this is now becoming woefully abstract. If you’re still with me, you’re either a brilliant leader, or you’re almost as crazy as I am. Let me try and say it again in a way that has some practical value…
Great leaders understand how people think and feel, and furthermore, what motivates them. In order to understand how other people think and feel, we have to be able to step outside of our own patterns of thought and behavior… our own ingrained filters and perceptions.
These patterns of thought and behavior exist so deeply within our subconscious minds that most of the time, we don’t even know they exist! We can only glimpse them by way of asking ourselves the right questions.
What are the right questions to ask yourself?
Any question that interrupts the way you normally think. Any question that challenges you to embrace a different point of view. Any question that forces you to look deep within yourself. Any question that leaves you in a better position to serve the people you lead.
Possibly related:
Erek - all great points. Along with knowing the right question to ask is also understanding when to ask it. Timing is important in order to receive the expected results.
In addition to asking ourselves questions that challenge our normal (habitual) way of thinking, we must also learn to ask powerful questions of the people we lead. People are much more receptive to open-ended questions that lead them to their own answers than they are to being told what to do and how to think & act.
@ Alex: Timing is definitely a critical piece of the puzzle. Would you be willing to expand on that thought?
@ Kim: Hallelujah! I wish more business owners and managers really understood this. Keep spreading the word, Kim!
Thank you both for your great comments!
-Erek
I think it’s crucially important to look at the inner workings. Truly asking who we are being, and why we are thinking something (tied more often that we imagine to who we are being) can lead to insights that increase our effectiveness.
An interesting question then, is what we do when we discover that our thing, and especially, our being, interfere with our effectiveness. It’s easy to just say “change!”. But real leadership comes from acknowledging that personal change comes slowly. Our true power as a leader comes from designing actions and processes that align with who we are, and work with others who will take care of the rest. One of the most effective executives I ever worked was fond of saying that his success was based on always hiring people smarter than he was.
Of course, your being and thinking could get in the way of effectively arranging for others to fill in your own gaps, but that’s why we consultants get the big bucks!
Yes when we understand ourselves on a deeper more reflective level we are indeed able to tap our emotional intelligence in the pursuit of understanding others.
It takes more than just showing up and going through the motions to lead. It takes the guts to ponder and adjust. Thanks for stimulating my thinking.
@ Ellis: Thank you for your very thoughtful comment! Great point about designing actions and processes that align with who we are. I couldn’t agree more!
@ Tom: You’re welcome! Thank YOU! I hadn’t thought of these questions in terms of emotional intelligence before. Interesting connection.
Erek
Erek, I recently read a brilliant book called ‘The Big Five For Life’ by John Strelecky. It’s a novel but written like a biography of a great business leader. John encapsulates all the aspects and characteristics that make good leaders become exceptional ones. I’d highly recommend you check it out, it will reinforce a lot of your beliefs and maybe add some new ones.
erek, i haven’t been here for a while. love your new look - elegant and easy on the eye!
asking the right questions can make a huge difference. this has been crucial in both my professional and my personal life. it’s important that these questions “hit home” so they need to use concepts and words that have strong emotional content for us.
@ Isabella: Thank you for the compliments, and welcome back!
Erek